I normally begin my posts with a crisp title or a name suggestive of what the whole piece is going to be about and somewhere along the way photos fill in to describe what words can’t. Today is odd. I started with a picture, which has inspired me to write an article to which I still don’t have a title :))
My parents, my husband and I were sitting out in the garden on a perfect-weather Sunday evening and chatting happily over an evening drink. The barbecue fires slowly crackling in the corner, cooking our dinner and sending enticing barbecue smells wafting through the air…
Mom cracked up over one of Dad’s home jokes for the umpteenth time. Which one was it…?? I wasn’t really listening. I was watching this scene in our garden with warmth filling my heart while my mind was flashing back some scenes from the previous few months. The not so nice scenes of the agony & emotions I would deal with at having to stay far from the people I love most….the emotions I would battle on lonely evenings within the four walls of my empty home.
Separation guts me. On the face of a goodbye – I’m steel. My complete lack of emotion has even deceived my mother – who’s keen eyes hardly miss anything I may be trying to conceal. That stone facade, isn’t actually any indication of how I actually deal with separations in private. I don’t think my husband, or mother or father, even get it and I don’t at all blame them. I don’t think I myself have been able to comprehend the monstrosity of the suffering I really feel inside.
All along in those moments of terrible homesickness the only thing that kept me going was knowing, that we would soon be enjoying simple family joys together and being alone was only a means to get to happier times. Happier times like the scene in our garden right now, which was filling my heart with warmth.
Sitting out in the garden on a perfect-weather Sunday evening with family, chatting happily over an evening drink, the barbecue fires slowly crackling in the corner, cooking our dinner and sending enticing barbecue smells wafting through the air. Yes. This is the life I had dreamt of. All of us together and love in the air. And now I finally had it.
I looked up to the sky to send a quiet message of gratitude to God for blessing us with these happy moments. It was as if God had read my mind and instead sent me a message from the sky.
Love was in the air indeed.